================================================================== TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- MOVIES More fun than a barrel of Adam Sandlers! ================================================================== June 6, 2003 NOTE FROM KRISTIAN: Last week we described movie plots as if they were on a police blotter. This week, a different take... The Top 9 Movies Described by a Dumb Guy 9. Terminator 2: Arnold's a Terminator, only he's a good Terminator, and the dude from The X-Files -- no, not him, the other one that Scully never hooked up with -- he's a bad Terminator and they're protecting John Connor, and Lisa Hamilton is like waaay cut. Then Arnie melts. 8. Memento: So the bad guy in The Matrix gets killed by this Brad-Pitt-lookin' dude, but he's not really dead 'cause that doesn't happen until the end of the movie. Then the Pitt guy gets weird-ass tattoos telling him he needs to kill the guy he killed, and then the chick from The Matrix shows up and tricks him into doing what he did already. And then the movie starts. 7. Dumb and Dumber: A classic, thought-provoking thriller about two geniuses who overcome major obstacles to score with Lauren Holly. 6. Carrie: This dumpy chick has, like, this weird mind power but she goes to the prom with the hottest guy in school but then some other kids dump pig's blood on her and she gets pissed and burns down the school by starin' really hard. 5. Basic Instinct: That old guy who's nailing the hot chick from Zorro is a cop, and he's like, trying to catch that blonde from the AOL commercial (who I swear, dude, totally shows her beav!) because she's like, doing guys then stabbing them with an ice pick while they're getting it on. 4. The Birds: These crows go crazy and kill Bob Newhart's wife. 3. Citizen Kane: This kid gets like, a million dollars, then he runs a newspaper in the dark and buys an opera for this chick he's sleeping with. Then they throw all his stuff in the fire. 2. Star Trek 2: So Captain Kirk pissed off this Khan guy a long time ago, and it's that tall dude from Fantasy Island, but he looks different cuz his hair is long and he's been wailin' on his pecs, man, and he wants to get this rocket that will grow plants anywhere you shoot it but Spock totally dies. and the Number 1 Movie Described by a Dumb Guy... 1. Braveheart: Mad Max is this Irish dude who wears a skirt and he's all, "I hate the English! The English suck!" and the King of Englishland is all like "No, YOU suck! I'm going to take your land and your women and throw gay dudes out the window!" so Max is all like, "Freedom!" and paints his face blue and totally moons the English dudes! So they all fight and Mad Max is all like "Yahhh!" and the English are all like "Whoah! This dude is a bad ass, even if he does wear a skirt!" [ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ] [ www.topfive.com ] ==================================================================
================================================================== Selected from 44 submissions from 14 contributors. Today's Top 5 List authors are: ------------------------------------------------------------------ Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA -- 1, 5 (3rd #1) Beth Kujawski, Crown Point, IN -- 2, 6 Kris Johnson, Glendale, CA -- 3 Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS -- 4 Craig Barker, Livonia, MI -- 7 Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 7 Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH -- 8 Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 9 Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA -- List Brainiac ================================================================== [ Copyright 2003 by Chris White All rights reserved. ] [ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use ] [ in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com" ] ==================================================================
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