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                          March 21, 2003 


         The Top 9 Security Measures at This Year's Oscars


 9. Ceremony to take place at an undisclosed location.

 8. Head of Security: Michael Clark Duncan

 7. Code words:
    Chemical attack - "Whitney"
    Biological attack - "Madonna"
    Nuclear attack - "Mariah"

 6. Gag and restraints ready for Richard Gere. (Not a security
    measure so much as just a good idea.)

 5. "Seat-fillers" now also "Uzi-carriers".

 4. Emergency evacuation plan in case anyone threatens to show
    clip from The Adventures of Pluto Nash.

 3. Keep tabs on that Omar Sharif guy.

 2. Joan and Melissa Rivers used as human shields. (Shhh - don't
    tell them.)


    and the Number 1 Security Measure at This Year's Oscars...


 1. Thorough, repeated frisking of Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman
    and Angelina Jolie.



              [   Copyright 2003 by Chris White   ]
              [          www.topfive.com          ]


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                             BIG HITS

                        70 Years of Oscar:
            The Official History of the Academy Awards

                           Inside Oscar:
          The Unofficial History of the Academy Awards

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Selected from 35 submissions from 11 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA  -- 1, 3, 6 (Three picture deal!)
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH    -- 1 (4th #1)
Janis Spidle, Kansas City, MO    -- 2, 7
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA     -- 4
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA        -- 5
Kris Johnson, Glendale, CA       -- 7
Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS           -- 8
Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 9
Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD      -- 9
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA       -- Wearing a wonderful little
                                    number from JC Penney

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[      Copyright 2003 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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[          in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com"         ]
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